{{Chinese-Restaurant.jpg|fig:}} In [[amerikkka|North America]], a **Chinese restaurant** is a place which serves food which is [[not_really|purportedly]] similar to fare served in China. Often these places are established by people of Chinese ancestry, who may only speak English as a second language. This frequently results in poorly-written menus with humorous, bewildering, or even disturbing text. Various claims made by Chinese restaurants in their menus and [[wikipedia:Yellow_Pages|Yellow Pages]] advertising: * Best Chinese Food In The Town! * **!!! SUPER SPECIAL !!!** - Shrimp Fried Rice And Egg Roll - Only $3.50 * **We Delivery** Min $10 * Open 7 days a Week Take Out and Dine In * Fast Deliver And Fair Prices Guarantee!!! An astute reader will note the common trend of exclamation points. This is a simple yet effective way to identify a good Chinese restaurant in an unfamiliar town: gather as many take-out menus as possible, and order from the restaurant with the most exclamation points. {{-}} ===== Menus ===== {{Fuck_The_Ginger_Water.jpg|Fuck the ginger water, I'd rather have a Pesi. Fuck the ginger water, I'd rather have a Pesi.}} Chinese food is rarely easy to describe to those not yet familiar with it, and the vague [[wikipedia:Engrish|Engrish]] descriptions aren't much help. The **Happy Family** is a fairly common Chinese dish, which few have been bold enough to try based on the name alone. The description doesn't offer much encouragement either: //Shrimp, scallop, beef, chicken, mixed vegetable in Chef's special sauce.// Additionally, typos such as "Human Shrimp" and "Kung Poo" are common. Some other items include: * **Sizzling Scallop and Shrimp: Fresh scallops and jumbo shrimp with mixed vegetables in white wine sauce. Served in a hot sizzling plate.\\ Mongolian Beef: Beef, prepared in Mongolian Style.\\ Chow Mein (White Rice or Fried Rice): Vegetable, Pork, Chicken, Beef, Shrimp, House Special Shrimp Chicken Pork''\\ Moo Shu Pork: With 4 Pancakes.\\ Seafood Deluxe in Bird Newt** ===== Chinese restaurants in popular culture ===== The opening verse of Warren Zevon's //Werewolves of London// mentions a Chinese restaurant. This is the earliest known example of a Chinese restaurant in music. * **** I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his handWalkin' through the streets of Soho in the rainHe was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook'sGonna get a big dish of beef chow mein ===== Trivia ===== * Most Chinese restaurants are within walking distance of either a [[wikipedia:Puppies|pet store]] or a [[wikipedia:Sick_Puppies|veterinary clinic]]. (In the same vein, most Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises are near either an auto parts store or oil change place. Think about it.) * Contrary to popular belief, they do not eat [[cat|cats]], and suggesting that they do is //enormously// insensitive to their culture. However, rat and dog are acceptable types of meat. category:foods Category:Places [[Category:Articles_that_need_more_categories|Category:Articles that need more categories]]