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eggs [2021/04/29 17:07] – external edit 127.0.0.1eggs [2021/11/15 08:28] (current) – PENIS agiat
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-{{The-saddest-egg-ever.jpg?250|fig:The saddest egg ever}} I have this fetish about Elmer's glue. Let me explain.+====== Eggs ====== 
 +[{{ the-saddest-egg-ever.jpg?250|The saddest egg ever}}] 
 + I have this fetish about Elmer's glue. Let me explain.
  
 When I was a boy, around 8 or so, I was doing a project in my boarding school one week where we were each given an egg, a box of 1000 toothpicks, a spool of thread, and a bottle of Elmer's glue. Our task was to build a contraption to keep the egg safe using only the toothpicks, thread, and glue. There were no other rules. When I was a boy, around 8 or so, I was doing a project in my boarding school one week where we were each given an egg, a box of 1000 toothpicks, a spool of thread, and a bottle of Elmer's glue. Our task was to build a contraption to keep the egg safe using only the toothpicks, thread, and glue. There were no other rules.
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 "Nevermind. You have yet to achieve Satori, young padawan. Let me show you." "Nevermind. You have yet to achieve Satori, young padawan. Let me show you."
  
-He took off his pants off completely. In place of his PENIS was something long and black. My vision had begun to blur from the glue, so it was only until he got close to my fact that I could see it was the head of a snake.+He took off his pants off completely. In place of his [[penis|PENIS]] was something long and black. My vision had begun to blur from the glue, so it was only until he got close to my fact that I could see it was the head of a snake.
  
 Shit. Shit.
  
-Without warning, the snake extended from its crotch and chomped down hard on my PENIS. At first I tried to scream from the excruciating pain, but then the pain slowly started to fade away and my vision blurred considerably. The room disappeared into a haze of grey, which was followed by a dithered pattern with an X-like cursor in the center.+Without warning, the snake extended from its crotch and chomped down hard on my [[penis|PENIS]]. At first I tried to scream from the excruciating pain, but then the pain slowly started to fade away and my vision blurred considerably. The room disappeared into a haze of grey, which was followed by a dithered pattern with an X-like cursor in the center.
  
 A mouse logo appeared and started flashing. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself. The words "Starting XFCE..." appeared. A mouse logo appeared and started flashing. "What the fuck?" I thought to myself. The words "Starting XFCE..." appeared.
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 I thought "enter" and the kernel booted, this time in single-user mode. No traces of The Sussman appeared, and finally bash finished loading. "IRL" I thought, followed by "enter". I thought "enter" and the kernel booted, this time in single-user mode. No traces of The Sussman appeared, and finally bash finished loading. "IRL" I thought, followed by "enter".
  
-"Analog input: 1600x1200 75Hz" flickered in my view for a few seconds, before changing to what I had thought was reality -- I laid on the table, covered in Elmer's glue. The principal lay lifeless on the floor, his snakelike black PENIS shriveled up and similarly dead.+"Analog input: 1600x1200 75Hz" flickered in my view for a few seconds, before changing to what I had thought was reality -- I laid on the table, covered in Elmer's glue. The principal lay lifeless on the floor, his snakelike black [[penis|PENIS]] shriveled up and similarly dead.
  
-Mrs. Braithwaite walked in as I sat up and began peeling the dried glue from my body, starting with my PENIS.+Mrs. Braithwaite walked in as I sat up and began peeling the dried glue from my body, starting with my [[penis|PENIS]].
  
 "What in Haruhi's name happened here?!?!" she shrieked with horror at the sight. "What in Haruhi's name happened here?!?!" she shrieked with horror at the sight.
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 The principal was later found to have died of mysterious causes -- his entire brain was missing, as were all of his organs. It was as if someone moved everything inside his body to /dev/null. We had the contest the next day, and I won with my egg parachute. Me and Mrs. Braithwaite never talked about the incident again, and now I'm the CEO of an online computer parts store -- Newegg. The principal was later found to have died of mysterious causes -- his entire brain was missing, as were all of his organs. It was as if someone moved everything inside his body to /dev/null. We had the contest the next day, and I won with my egg parachute. Me and Mrs. Braithwaite never talked about the incident again, and now I'm the CEO of an online computer parts store -- Newegg.
  
-Category:Foods+{{tag>food kopipe literature culture sicp haruhi dqn old}}
  
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