One night in June, as Maf was cycling in the German countryside, he met a group of young girls. They were talking about the next big sumo show, and he decided to approach them to talk about his favorite sumo, Big Dinghy.

—feor

As Maf was talking to the young girls, he suddenly felt a tap, ever so slightly, on his shoulder. Right behind him was none other than his favorite sumo wrestler! Big Dinghy, unamused, rips his shirt and pants off, left wearing nothing but his mawashi. He then claps his hands twice and yells DOSUKOI

—Shaddox

All of a sudden, out of thin air countless sumo wrestlers appeared. Maf was shocked to see so many other of his favorite sumo wrestlers all in one place. "We need your help, maf. Come with us.", said Dinghy. As maf stared back into Dinghy's eyes, maf felt important. The sumo wars have begun.

—fatman

The initial offensive by the Western Sumo Coalition was brutal and effective. In four months they had pressed their way halfway from Osaka to Tokyo. The Eastern Sumo army's bulk forces routed easily along the way, but soon they met resistance from the sumo civilian militias and sumo fedayeen. Once breaching Saitama the sumo imperial guard and delta forces caused major losses the westerners had not accounted for, but eventually Tokyo fell. Almost immediately the sumo insurgency began.

—Nameless

The sumomen, stomping and slapping their bellies as they swept through the city, made the earth shake as their fat jiggled. Before them lay the Rainbow Bridge, the last stretch before the headquarters of Gikopoipoi. But as the 1488th sumoman stomped onto the bridge and began to cross, the bridge began to bend downward, unable to sustain their collective girth. But the sumomen had no fear. They knew that even if they sunk, they would float. They were big beautiful men. nothing would stop them.

—archy~

And the Mahjongian regime rang out across the land as the people of Sea City finally rejoiced in their Newfound Glory where they could celebrate the Gikoshevist state and all of the devs many blessings. Our warfare against the gikolluminati is not merely material, though; the outside enemy of the State, Party, and Race is a monster of unspeakable evil. To be free and to produce original content—there is nothing more difficult than this. And that was exactly what happened.

—bon

One summer day in beautiful Venezia, bif and maf were riding together on a dual bycicle when…

—Shaddox

They were called back to the Gikopoipoi Office on an urgent call. They pedaled as fast as they could, without using either their hands or feet as is the custom, and when they got to the office they asked the Japanese poi user who had called them what needed fixing. The problem was…

—feor

the website went down forever

—bon

The hardcore gikos had met in Akihibara at the AKB-48 building to plan out their suicides, but there was some disagreements as to how to do it. Archduke brought a few vials of insulin and suggested overdosing. Shaddox brought some arsenic-laced Mahjong tiles (only some tiles were marked) and suggested 1 last game for old time's sake. Feor proposed a camping trip in Aokigahara. iccanobif couldn't make it; autoerotic asphyxiation already got him . Poor mom. No one really seemed what to do, until Wooly spoke :

—archy~

"How about we just go and rob a grocery store for no good reason other than to become rich and powerful?" spoke Wooly. Everyone seemed to agree that this would be pretty fun. Enlisting the help of the sumo army, they head to the store to rob it together, then divide the mass wealth they gain evenly amongst eachother.

—fatman

The resulting union of soviet socialist sumo republics lasted for one hundred and forty years. Living shared equally on the good taken from a single combini in Yokohama, canned fish, cheap beer, several disposable tenga to be reused. It was a workers paradise. It may have fallen to the Libyan invasion in 2034, but its memory shines on to us all around the world of how men can live as equals together on the spoils of a Yokohama Lawsons Combini.

—Nameless

One time fatman went to the grocery store and there were 1000 armed robbers suroounding the store

—fatman

Fatman was trying to think of a way to get out of this predicament. Then, the shooting starts and the bullets just sink into him, unable to penetrate his massive armor.

—Shaddox

Fatman decided it was time to get serious. 'THIS IS FOR JEFFREY MCWILD AND THE SATAN SHARK!!' he yelled as he rolled towards his enemies. His massive arse flattened them like a pancake. Slowly, fatman's consciousness came back and he realized what he had done…

—feor

He just died and now he was in heaven, and what he saw throughout his life amazes the world to this day. How was Jeffery McWild and Satan SHARK here? The answer may shock you. But only Fatman can decide to tell you, the truth. Unfortunately, he died from his injuries. But the story lives on to tell.

—bon

The loli screamed and wetted and shitted herself. A typical fear reaction. Maybe she thought the mess would be a turn off. But little did she know, her waste only made iccanobif (filthy pervert) all the more turned on. "I told you," he warned you, "Gikopoipoi after 10pm is for adults only. You should have gone to bed. This is what bad girls get." He scooped up some of her schlop and began rubbing it on his cock and in his chest hair. The loli shook with chattering teeth, limp.

—archy~

He took out his tools, preparing for the ritual he knew quite well. First the scalpel, cutting a deep 'T' in her pelvis. Then the forceps, pulling away and pinching in place the lower and upper colon. Finally the power drill, a 1 inch diameter new hole just below the opening of the uterus. "Do you understand what you've made me do?" he asked, the loli kept awake but still by the previously administered paralytic agent could not scream, but she knew the pain as he slid his full length through her cervix.

—Nameless

This is a story about a cat named Hitler who is the cutest kitty that ever lived! He likes biting people's feet and is usually a bit dirty. We found him in a sewer, and he's still getting over his diarrhea. Anyway, one day, little baby Hitler found a website called Gikopoi.com open on his master's computer…

—archy~

Hitler taka taka taka'd on those keys… The computer keyboard was warm. His dad took great care of him in their nice home. Tokiko's wife even knitted him a sweater!

—bon

He noticed a strange glimmer in Hitler's eye when he looked at Tokiko's wife again. It couldn't be! She wasn't of the master race! And yet…it was true. Hitler was in love! Where would tokiko fit in this love triangle?

—feor

Tokiko felt remorse in his heart, as he was watching his own wife looking into Hitler's eyes with desire. He knew he had to do something. And he had to do it now.

—Shaddox

"Adolf please", he exclaimed, "you must copulate with my wife." "I know you are deep in your heart a homosexual, and her gentile persuasion is a major turn off; but your Aryan bloodline must go on through my wife.""Just thrust it in, it's mostly mechanical you don't even need to be turned on!"He pleaded with the belligerent Austrian, eventually Hitler gave in and spoke "

—Nameless

"I will do it…"Hitler said. "On one condition, however.", he then said suddenly. Before Hitler could offer his condition, suddenly a loud noise was heard off in the distance. What could it have been?

—fatman

On September 11 2001 17 hijackers belonging to a group funded by terrorist financier Icannobif took control of 3 jetliners that had left from New York JFK an hour prior. The unifying belief of these hijackers was in a sect of extremist militant Shii-ite Gikoslam.

—Nameless

Iccanobif scratched his chest hair and leaned back in his computer chair. His mother had just gone to bed, which meant it was time for him to get back to his jihad. Computer, boot up. Computer, open Gikopoipoi. (loading, loading..) He logged in and looked to see who else was around. There was his psyops officer, CATARP! and his logistics chairman, Feor Mode on. There were also several fresh Jihadis, Wooly and Nameless, playing in the schoolyard and talking. "Heh, heh, heh.." the iccanobif chuckled. His plan

—archy~

The plan Feor, Catarp and Bif schemed together to get zazzachu to touch his chest hair. So they arranged for an impromptu meeting in the UK. Zazzachu, unknowingly, approaches bif and then bif's chest hair starts tangling around his arms and legs.

—Shaddox

Suddenly, before Bif can harm Zazzachu, maf, dinghy, and the sumo wrestler army appear. "STOP!" shouts Dinghy. iccanobif slowly stops and turns around, face to face with Dinghy. Catarp and Feor prepare to fight against the sumo wrestlers, as maf watches in awe of the sheer strength of everyone.

—fatman

Catarp banshee screams the tiger beam straight into the sumo wrestlers chests! while Feor super sharp slices them into squares. and dinghy tosses bif to maf who tosses him back to dinghy. who then runs into the niclear bomb shelter zzazzachu zzbergs the nuclear n-bomsb and everyone outside died

—bon

We thought everyone had died, the worst massacre of the 21st century. But we were wrong! Out of the ashes rose Muryoku. Hardened by the training of Zzazzachu-sensei, he was resistant to all forms of cunt, cunny and nigger. He stood proudly like a monument to Giko degeneracy and planted a flag over the dead bodies of his friends. 'For Cunny' he exclaimed.

—feor

Archduke was starving living in that jungle. "A cat is fine too," he stared into Hitler's feline eyes. Hitler glared back. "There is no way this dumbass is going to try to eat me." The smell of flame and gasoline filled the house, and Archduke stirred his boiling pot of water. "Here kitty! kitty kitty! tiger!"

—bon

Suddenly, there was a loud banging on the door. Archduke froze in a panic. 'This is the Islamic police! We heard a tip that you are trying to eat a cat! That is extremely and utterly haram!" They kicked down the door. Hitler took the chance to run away as the Islamic police handcuffed his master. "Archduke, we've heard a lot of awful things about you… this is just the first time we actually were able to catch you in the act. In fact, we even heard that

—archy~

you were consorting with Hitler in homosexual acts. Frottage, 69, reacharounds, all manner of homosexual sex with Austrian born dictator of Germany in the 1930s and 1940s. This is of course deeply illegal, as Adolf Hitler is a wanted criminal. You will be sentenced to the highest form of punishment the Islamic Police can dish out:

—Nameless

Castration. 'THIS IS NOT YOUR JURISDICTION!' Out of nowhere, Sheriff Boon had jumped out to rescue you from the claws of the Islamic Police. You looked at the sheriff gratefully and asked him for his name. 'They call me Catarp's Brother', he replied. 'Don't thank me. This is my job. Do you mind if I stop to get pizza on the way back? It's for my sister.'

—feor

Sheriff Boon and Catarp's brother then hopped together on his bike and rode off into the sunset. On the way back to Catarp's house, they stop by Dominos and order a pizza with buffolini cheese on it.

—Shaddox

Boon and catarp's brother then went to go get groceries on their way home, however upon reaching the location it was as if they had walked into a warzone. Catarp's brother noticed Catarp fighting in the conflict, and decided to join in on iccanobif's side in the great war.

—fatman

As Santana returned home after one of his weekly Frazzledrip sessions, he encountered a wounded animal by the side of the road. He approached it carefully, but right when he was close enough to touch it, it…

—feor

didn really do anytn but the creature had to be put down just in case, an extra good smack just in case, you never really know, it's better that way

—Sonata

The creature went flying into the ether, defying all gravity, and imploded as a star in the northern sky… No one ever saw him again! That is until one day the pain and suffering inflicted on him was then returned full force in the form of a treacherous curse~!! The world fell ill with…

—feor2

cat ears, and tails and an unsatiable urge to consume fish! The creature laughed as the foolish humans who once hurt him now crawled on the ground meowing and hissing and purring like adorable little kittens. The pain he once felt deep in his heart slowly healed at the sight of it all.

—CTEPAR{EAPRI#!O

Fully contented with this outcome he quickly left to enlist in the sumo wars.

—Nameless

Dinghy was the master of sumo wars. Everyone looked up to him and felt inspired in his presence. His sheer girth impressed and amazed everyone who saw him. When the time came for Feor to enlist and finally met Dinghy, he felt inferior. How could he even measure up? Dinghy blew all his competition out of the water. There was no contest when he was around… Dinghy grabbed feor by the waist. "Look here son, I know you're scared but I'm here to help."

—feor2

He grabbed and held his grandeur with a firm grip and said… boy… this is somthing I can truly appreciate. This is somthin to put proudly on display. Let us now marvel and partake.

—Sonata

So the man and the boy began the sacred art of sumo wrestling. Stripping down to their fundoshi and gripping each other by the balls, attempting to push each other across the line of skirmish. Neither man nor boy were giving an inch, for a thousand years they sat there firmly grasping one another's testicles as society built up around them. Governments rose and fell, but the two stood there firm and accumulating handful upon handful of the other's ball sweat.

—Nameless

Even to this day those two peak male specimens of the human race are tightly grasping one another's balls. The annual oiling festival to reduce friction burn is high respected and attended by scores of people. Across the world men reach other to rub a little oil on their balls and they return home changed. They've been to the mother fucking mountain top and they know the scope of the universe. Normally society would have collapsed anyway from female interference, but a second festival the enscorseling……

—CTEPAR{EAPRI#!O

A second festival, the Enscorceling named after the word for Scrotum in Mexican was put into place. Denpa and his friends started it when they realized the oiling reduced friction burn on their balls, but made them so shiny that small birds pecked at their balls and tried to steal them for their nest. The Enscorceling consisted in rubbing pork bao on your balls so that the bao bun would absorb all the grease. It was a popular festival. Its undisputed champion was Zzazzachu, who could rub the bao like…

—feor

The long legged shobon struggled to stir his cauldron. The bubbling concoction would surely win him the heart of his beloved Santa Hat Shii one day.

—CTEPAR{EAPRI#!O

He was daydreaming about what he'd do to Shii if he ever managed to win her heart, when he accidentally spilled one of his unlabeled potions into the cauldron. Long legged shii bent over to see what the potion could have been, and by the peculiar smell he could immediately tell it was his futa potion. He didn't know how to fix this, and he pondered whether he should start over, when someone knocked on the door…

—feor

they taken a peek in the door thingy, the door hole, the peephole, it was the mann himself! The stench was like no other, it's him! The odour is unmatched! The stinky stud! Absolute beast! Exactly what the Shii person was longing for. Begin the jousting!

—Sonata

He flung open the door, quickly dropping his trousers and unsheathing his dick. "Have at ye!" Shii yelled, running cock first into the odoriferous fellow's immediately hardened cock. The joust had begun, each thrust met with block, slash with parry, Shii had finally met his equal at dick jousting. Each tiring but not degrading in skill whatsoever to match the other's masterful dick strikes.

—Nameless

Covered in shit, blood, piss, and cum, the Shii lay half dead and gaping open on the hard floor for all to see. He had lost. The fellow stood over him, laughing, and crying tears of joy, watching Shii shiver and squirm with pain.

—feor2

In that moment, Shii felt thoroughly defeated and out of options. All that was left was to cry, and so tears started to form on her visage, full of sorrow. A song came to her which she hummed to herself: "Wishing on a dream that seems far off…Hoping it will come today…Into the starlight night…Foolish dreamers turn their gaze…Waiting on a shooting star!"The crowd had initially looked at Shii with disdain, but their attitude soon turned to sorrow. One person sang along, and more followed.

—feor

Soon all in attendance were singing along with Shii; "Where da hood, where da hood, where da hood at" in unison they cried, "got no love for a homo thug", "I don't fuck with niggas that think they broads". When he finished the crowd ran to hug Shii in unison, hundreds stampeding towards a single point in bloody frenzy. Dozens were trampled, with their blood and sinew forming a thick coating on the linoleum, but it did not matter to the euphoric mass.

—Nameless

Shii was not spared by the crowd.

—Sonata

The crowd had a sudden change of heart and scooped Shii up with embracing arms. Shii was gently placed in a cardboard box where she sang… Wishing on a dream that seems far off… Hoping it will come today~ Not one soul gave her a second glance upon passing Shii in her box. Was an angel watching closely over her? Was there a guiding light she'd yet to see?

—feor2

I know my heart should guide me, but,There's a hole within my soul.What will fill this emptiness inside of me?Am I to be satisfied without knowing?I wish, then, for a chance to seeNow all I need, (desperately)Is my star to come~

—CTEPAR{EAPRI#!O

Catarp got a huge box of cheese curds, mozzarella sticks, pizzas, french fries, chickens, mac n cheese bites, chili, and a huge bottle of Dr. Pepper! But what she had for dessert was unlike anything you could ever imagine…

—feor2

It was cum. Large amounts of cum, several gallons congealed into a thick yellow paste. Spoonful by spoonful she choked it down gleefully, chewing it thoroughly and picking out the pubic hairs encased inside as if insects in amber. She decided to add to the top by glazing the solidified cum mass with her own cum every thirty seconds or so, greedily licking it off the top as soon as she shot it out of her dick. Soon she finished her cum desert and prepared for the fifth course of dinner…

—Nameless

But quickly her stomach decided he decidedly did not agree with the meal she'd just had. The massive amounts of cum she had ingested caused heartburn, and quickly she found herself throwing up cum in every direction. She could barely manage to gasp for air in between the fountain of half digested congealed cum mixed with he dinner erupting from her bowels. That's when she saw Santana. How long had he been standing there, watching her? What could be going through his mind at this moment?

—feor

Santana stared at the girl violently vomiting cum and barely breathing. He had seen this before, he had experienced this before, and he knew what he had to do. Without delay he slammed his foot into the girls side forcing her to expel even more of the semen and roll over onto her back. He then brought his foot down on her stomach forcing the rest of the cum out of her stomach and lungs. Inhaling deeply he then breath new life into the girl giving her his precious swarthy gibraltar oxygen.

—CTEPAR{EAPRI#!O

A fine kiss he thought. A fine kiss. The woman turned into mush. There was never a woman. Nor a man. The entire thing been conjured up by sick minds in fact. Or was it? It was.

—Sonata

The narrators voice had gotten louder, and Stanley was getting worried. How could he please his master? Suddenly there was an interrupting voice. "Can you fucking shut up for 5 seconds," CATARP! screamed at the screen, "this game is for fucking sheeple you dumb fucking animals REEEEEEEE" Stanley was confused. He didn't like when CATARP! yelled. He started crying like a child. CATARP! seemed not to care and stormed out of the dev lounge.

—feor2

The narrator didn't seem to mind and went on another long-winded rant about player choice, game design, epistemology and the meaning of life. Everyone had gotten tired of Stanley and the narrator by that point. Thankfully, a different game was soon streamed. It was a creepy, stressful game, and feor would have died many times if Catarp wasn't watching and giving him advice. The narrator must insist that bon was also watching the whole time and did not miss jackbox games. Finally, the stream ended.

—feor

A VoD of the stream was quickly uploaded to YouToube with the title "Retard Faggots Fail Compilation Part 30 [gone sexual]". It started trending, and quickly became a worldwide phenomenon with all manner of commentators weighing in. "Dangerous, disgusting, perverted" - Tucker Carlson"An example of failure on the part of regulators" - Anderson Cooper"Proof positive that mankind is beyond redemption" - Mumia Abdul Jabar Even the president (Huey Long) called it "Pretty Cool".

—Nameless

9.3/10 - IGN.

—Sonata

(About the Author) Patricia Hernandez has been with IGN for twelve years and has won pulitzer prizes with her world famous investigative journalism such as; "How I was raped in GTA Online" and "Even though i'm a Jew i'm still white"

—CTEPAR{EAPRI#!O