BAM! TO BEHOLD, A PUBLIC BULLETIN BOARD, BUILT OF BOTH BRILLIANCE AND BARBARITY BY BASTARDS WITH BONERS. THIS BASTION, NO MERE BULWARK OF BOREDOM, IS A BRUTAL BARRAGE OF BLISTERING BULLSHIT, BARELY BENEVOLENT… BUT BEHIND THE BIGOTRY AND BOOBS, BEYOND THE BITTER BROADCASTS OF BRAGGING BUFFOONS: HERE BE THE BODY POLITIC. A BROTHERHOOD OF BLASPHEMY, BLESSED WITH MORE BALLS THAN BRAINS, BATTLING THE BLAND, THE BOGUS, THE BENIGN. BEDLAM? BRING IT ON. BUT I BABBLE… BETTER TO BE BRIEF. YOU MAY CALL ME /B/.

Hi /b/…….Im new here. >_>;;

I was wondering if any of u knew how 2 register here……..I dont see any place where i can log in. Also, why when u post, your post disappears from the list of posts? Why cant it just go directly to your post. Well anyway i wanted to show u guys some funny pics…..

[img]C:\Documents and Settings\Lisa\My Documents\My Pictures\sleepy_cat.jpg[/img]

[img]C:\Documents and Settings\Lisa\My Documents\My Pictures\woops1.gif[/img]

i hope u guys enjoy them….also, please welcome me to /b/, i hope you are all friendly and treat me well. :D

First let me introduce myself……my fav animes are Naruto InuYasha and Bleach, and i like listening to music (my favorite bands are Fallout Boy and Pink floyd, my favorite song is We Dont Need No Education by Pink Floyd). also, the power level is OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD madnes??? THIS IS

[color=red]SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!![/color]

also, how cum (lol cum) you have to attach a pic? how ghey is that? :p here's a funny pic i found the other day when i was surfing the internet. :cool:

For almost THREE MINUTES /b/'s highest post count was 14999949. All attempts at posting were blocked with a "MySQL connection failure." I can believe a connection failure for 90%, 99%, or 99.9% of the total posters. But for three minutes not ONE post made it to /b/. That's IMPOSSIBLE. By the laws of probability at least a few posters should have been able to successfully post. But no. ALL POSTS were blocked for THREE MINUTES. After this time, we are greeted with a stickied 15000000GET of Spacecataz. The first post in the sticky was made FOUR MINUTES after that sticky was supposed to have been posted. With tens of thousands of /b/tards refreshing madly, is it remotely plausible that it took thousands of pairs of eyes FOUR MINUTES to locate the sticky and type out a reply? Or rather, is it more plausible that that sticky was made during the "dark period" wherein nobody could post? Nobody, that is, except for you know who.

The trick to mod fuckery is not to make it obvious, guys. There have been failGETS before, but at least there was a glimmer of hope that they were simply failing users, not mods stroking their bloated egos. Now there can be no doubt. Fuck you, mods. Fuck you.

Seriously, anyone who goes and needs to re-look their life.

Especially if you masturbate to the "porn" on there.

Now, I'm not the type of guy who discriminates against hentai… but when it comes to child pornography from children's programming then that's just crossing the line.

The memes aren't funny (with a few exceptions). They're only funny to people with an IQ of 21… and an age of 8.

People need to really re-think of what's funny on the Internet if they think a Black Face firing a laser from its mouth is the funniest thing in the world.

So please, if you're a /b/tard or whatever it's called anyway. You're pathetic and pitiful.

I've figured out a simple means to reduce the amount of copy pasta on /b/. Just like 4chan scans for duplicate images, it can also scan for duplicated text. If you try to submit a post that contains 98% of the same text as some other post, then it can reject your post as copy pasta. This will force stupid 4channers to be more original.

There is no way to describe /b/. Or 4chan. Any attempt by an outsider to describe us will completely miss the point. And I get where you're coming from because I was once there myself.

I've been here for years, but when I'm asked to describe /b/ I'm at a loss for words.

To truly understand what it is like here, you must stay for at least a month. It's not about the memes, it's about the apathy, the hatred, and the intentional stupidity.

The Internet (despite what people say) is not taken seriously by a /b/tard. In real life, I smile and wave to people, I say thank you. But on 4chan, I discard my morality. I encourage people to commit suicide. I call respected members of the black community niggers and say that the Jews did the World Trade center.

So, my friend, you would to best simply to say we are being assholes for the hell of it. Because the Internet is not serious business.

Also, I know I'm going to get flamed up the asshole for this, but fuck off.

Attention 4chan!

I recently came upon 4chan when a friend recommended I visit the sites for a few laughs. I figured "What the hell? I could use some laughs." I must say that when I came on I was disgusted and not amused at all. Why you ask? Because everything on this entire site is literally shit! I mean yes there is funny pictures posted every now and then. But honestly; Do any of you little shits have a life? I mean are you so immature and unintelligent that you find things like cartoon porn and random naked woman shaking their boobs funny?

GROW UP! Grow up 4chan. You all seriously need a reality check, You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" and "o rly?".

Get off you fat asses and do something better with your life. I mean all of you have no life, no social life either for that matter. The supposed "girls" that come on here and converse with you are just as much losers are you, they are either fatter then fatty-tan or a term you'd better understand "A trap".

Well I've put in my two cents, and on a last note, I will do everything in my power to expose this site to people who will react legally upon this disgusting filthy site. This is not the end. It's just beginning. Grow up!

-DG

I'm an Aplha male /b/.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to fuck 6 ways from sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and dissapear, and all that emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't Fuck" instinct something feirce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.

And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WNAT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

I'd say you should become an hero, but you being aruond makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner.

   I was in China to visit my girl friends familey.

   We where running low on money so my girl friend decided to get a job for a while.

   This left me alone all day do nothing so I started going for long walks down the people filled street.

   One day I was walking alone when I came accross a cute little girl arould seven years old just sitting on the street crying. Her cloths where dirty and worn.

   I sat next to her and ask if she was ok. She told me her father and mother had died in a accident in the factory where they lived ( In China workers are provided with housing by their work )

   and the uncaring factory had kicked her out to the street. People in China don't really care about strangers so know one had asked her if she was ok or anything.

   She told me a police man had even told her to be care of people who will try sell you.

   Yet not tried to find her and home or anything. I asked her to come with me and she was very untrusting but she noded.

   I took her home and gave her a nice bowl of noodles I told her she could watch TV and I would go out to find her some new cloths. I went out on to the street and found a stall.

   I was really begining to enjoy having her arould I could pick anything and dress her how I wanted.

   I picked a T-shirt that had a hood with kitty ears on it and some short shorts.

   I went home and showed her the cloths and asked if she liked them she looked at me with a huge grin and called me a "GYI" it means like a strange man who watches to much anime.

   I lol'd and asked if the cloths where ok she noded and bit her lip. She begain undress infront of me.... I asked her if she wanted me to leave the room she said why? I am a kid you should feel nothing when I am naked

   I admited to her I infact felt something when she was naked and I was a complete weirdo for feeling.

   She turned to me and said don't feel weird I am cute after all. If you keep me ill let you do things with me but just softley ok?

   I noded I leave this part out because it will disguest moralfags and they wont read anymore the story.

   So anyway my girl friend thought she was such a well believed little cutie and also agreed to keeping her.

   We ended up not leaving china and the little girl is called lui but she said she wanted a english name since her new ba (dad) is white so I call her lilly

   Yeap its been 1 year and a hafe and she calls me dad everyday when I pick her up from school.

   Shits so cash she copys how I act what I watch.

   I now have a little asian loli me. I allow her to watch anything she like and unrestricted us of the Internet.

   She plays heaps of Chinese QQ games and sometimes posts on /b/

Anonymous quickly slid his copy of the D&D monster manual between his Algebra and bio books and closed his locker door. If he was to survive the afternoon he would have to move quickly. He pulled up his hood, trying to look inconspicuous, and turned around, only to come face to face with the flawless white tabard of the captain of the paladins.

"WHITHER GOEST THOU, KNAVE?!" he demanded, his voice loud despite the muffling of his visored greathelm. "I was just getting my books, leave me alone." said Anonymous. He felt the hairs rising on the back of his neck; the armored bulk of the members of the Paladin squad blocked the hallway entirely.

"I POSTED AN EDICT BANNING YOU FROM THIS CORRIDOR, KNAVE!" The captain roared. His lieutenant looked up from his breviary and addressed no one in particular:

"METHINKS THE HERETIC LOOKS TO BE SMOTE!"

"NOoooo!" cried Anonymous, dodging away from the tightening circle of paladins. "Leave me alooone!" he yelled as he ran toward the stairway for all he was worth, the clanking of plates against chainmail close behind him.

"SMITE! SMITE! SMITE!" The cry echoed from the concrete walls.

'Somebody heeellllp!" he cried as the paladins lifted him bodily across the school courtyard. At their captain's encouragement they broke into a run.

"SMITE! SMITE! SMITE!" the paladins let anonymous go on the upswing, and for a brief second he was weightless, coasting through the air, until he landed with a squishy thud in the fetid darkness of the cafeteria dumpster.

"THY WILL BE DONE OH LORD," the paladins intoned as they slammed the lid.

Anonymous waited until their hymns of triumph faded in the distance before dragging himself clumsily out, shaking, stained and stinking. He felt he could burst into tears any second, but the varsity cheerwenches were there, giggling at his discomfiture.

Dear /b/, the worst thing has happened just yesterday.

I was sitting there in front of my PC, pants down, fapping to one of the hottest hentai pic I could've ever found on my hard disk, when my mother walked in.

Normally, I would've just tried to hide my erection by pulling my pants back up and pretending to do something else, preferably the least suspicious possible, but not then.

As I was nearing the end of my masturbatory session and couldn't hold it back anymore, I closed my eyes and let myself overwhelm to the orgasm just at the same moment she opened that damned door. I knew I should've locked it, but I believed nobody would've ever bothered entering without asking beforehand.

Thus, being unable to see anything for all the time I enjoyed the, let's say, "warm feeling", I couldn't have noticed she was here since the beginning.

So, yeah, my mother saw me ejaculating till the last drop of semen, and in the lewdest way possible, even.

It was only when I was finally done and did a swift peek to see if I had done any mess on the floor, that I realized her presence.

My heart went right down my stomach at her sight: she was just standing there, staring at me with dismay, then left the room without saying anything. I'm not lying if I admit that, then as now, I just wanted to die due to the huge embarrassment that followed.

Before Protests:

THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST

hey gais i juts foun encylopedica dramarita, u gais r funny lol i told evryon on myspace bout u lol post

invader zim

COUNT TO TEN AND ILL POST TITS

U Laff, U Loose!

Slowpoke Combo Incoming, bitches!!!!!

Hey, lets start a furry thread!

Oh man, b, i need advice! my girlfriend wont come to my Liknkin Park concert cause she wants to do marijuana but its illegal oh man b what od i do?

post endingin 74 tels me wat do to

Hey Faggots, My name is John, and I hate every single one of you.

God exists, PROVE ME WRONG

After Protests:

MAN /b/ WAS FUCKING SHITCOCK GREAT BEFORE THESE PROTESTS, THEN THEY WENT AND FUCKED THINGS UP!

By: Officer Hutson Officer Hutson of the US Police (California) here. You know what, you think you're so funny with the whole Ashley Disdale shit you guys have going on? Yeah, try talk explaining this stuff to my 8 year old daughter. I know what it's like to be your age. I was there. Smoking pot, getting drunk, and throwing pranks on frats next-door. A real laugh. But one day you are going to wake up in a face full of puke, shit, piss, and seaman like I did and realize that you're just pissing your life away doing what? Nothing.

I came home to my daughter bawling and didn't understand why there were naughty pictures of her role model as well as completely disfigured and rotted corpses slewn across her favorite websites. Are you dicks proud of yourself? Are you? If I was there right now I'd curb-stomp your faces in, but thankfully the government should be doing that for me soon enough with all this net protection stuff they're doing. I just sure hope McCain gets elected so we can try to get more control on this internet.

I really hope this will eat you guys up one day when you finally wake up and realize what life is really about. Until then- Fuck you.

P.S. - I saw the HIV shit you guys were trying to pull. That's how I found you guys. I hope you enjoy the one or two sites it got on. Not even Wikipedia accepted your shit.

I still laugh at how 4chan doesn't understand what sage means.

If only I knew moon so I wouldn't have to spend time on a board that imports foreign concepts and then DOES IT WRONG all the time.

Using sage as a way to "insult" someone's post or thread is just completely wrong and a retarded misuse of a good feature that is so popular in sites like 2ch and Futaba. Fuck, iichan and 4-ch do it right. It's just 4chan and 4chan's lame knockoffs that fail at using sage.

The true meaning of sage means that YOUR POST isn't worthy enough to bump the thread. It's ironic, because you think that you're insulting others while you're just, in fact, insulting yourself. Yes, sage can be used when posting a derogatory comment in a thread that you don't want to bump, but posting with just the word "sage" accomplishes nothing but contribute to spamming the board. The trend of replying with the name of a tripfag and sage is even worse, as it accomplishes nothing and only serves to increase the e-penis of whoever you're "attacking".

The sage feature was never meant to serve as an implied insult or general disagreement! Why people started using it that way is beyond me. There are plenty of reasons why one would choose not to bump a thread with his reply. For example, bumping threads with stupid one liner replies should be discouraged and those people should be coerced into using sage instead.

I want to use sage, yet I almost never do it on 4chan because people will jump on me thinking I'm insulting their post or something.

I still laugh at how 4chan doesn't understand what trolling means.

If people lurked more I wouldn't have to spend time on a board that fucks up the meaning of words and then DOES IT WRONG all the time.

Thinking you "trolled" a person just by making it believe a lie is just completely wrong and a retarded misuse of term that is used to describe people who literally try to make you angry just by insulting you or your tastes. in others forums they do it right. It's just 4chan and 4chan's lame knockoffs that fail at knowing the meaning of trolling.

The true meaning of trolling means YOU posted something intentionally enraging (Personal opinions don't count) to get somebody incredibly mad and respond seriously to your post. If a person tells you to "Fuck off" or similar things, it doesn't mean he got trolled, it means your trolling attempt was so lame you should just stop trying. Trying to use "U mad" and other similar memes is just a pathetic attempt of covering your hurt ass (Because you are obviously hurt that your troll didn't work and you are trying to save face).

Trolling never meant to be funny, or annoying, or cool, or anything. Only huge nerds with no lives or girlfriends try to get off to people getting mad on the internet. It's like they are admitting their own insecurities and loneliness.

I want to use sarcasm, yet I almost never do it on 4chan because people will jump on me thinking I'm trolling or something.

AAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Every FUCKING day with these STUPID fucking MEMES! I've had it up to HERE with stupid fucking memes! You guys make me want to KILL MYSELF! Is that what you fucking want? For me to fucking KILL MYSELF and write on my suicide note "Cause of suicide: Couldn't handle all of the stupid fucking memes, killed myself"? Because that's what it might as well fucking say!

You guys are literally, L I T E R A L L Y incapable of having even the SIMPLEST of fucking discussion without "MEME THIS, MEME THAT, PROBABLY TYLO BE CHILLIN, HERE'S A PIC OF HUMBLE CANNONS BY AARON ELLIS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA EBIN AMIRITE?" Fucking STOP IT you pathetic fucking FAGGOTS, you are such fucking cancer that I cannot even fathom how you fucking scumbags live your dumb gay lives. Don't you have a job to get to, schoolwork to finish or a family to attend to? Do you literally do ANYTHING productive with your lives other than post stupid fucking memes on the music section of a god damn anime imageboard? You fucking people make me sick and you're damn lucky I don't have any of your fucking addresses you fucking pieces of shits. I'd spit in your faces.