Table of Contents
Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23 is the best book ever.
Cover art
<html><aa></html> Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23
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Blurb on the back
It's a dark and stormy night in London when Standard 4-ch User, who has been suddenly transformed in his bed into a moe girl, reluctantly teams up with her best buddy Takakazu Abe - beloved by fans for his interjection of "Nii-san! Yaranaika?" 10 times per paragraph- to set things right. With their kung fu fighting skills, they battle funky Chinamen from funky Chinatown as they pursue the mastermind of it all, »71. But in a stunning plot twist Standard 4-ch User dies in chapter 5 and Takakazu Abe becomes the main character, continuing the quest in order to avenge his fallen friend, who he never did get to do it with.
Characters
Standard 4-ch User
<html><aa></html> ∧＿∧ （ ﾟ ｍﾟ） I'm not into the whole main character thing. （ ） ｜ ｜ | （_＿）＿)<html></aa></html>
Takakazu Abe
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DADDY COOL
<html><aa></html> D A D D Y C O O L
/＼＿＿_／ヽ ／' ':::::::＼ . |（●）, ､（●）､.:| ＋ | ,,ﾉ(､_, )ヽ､,, .::::| . | ｀-=ﾆ=- ' .:::::::| + ＼ ｀ﾆﾆ´ .:::::／ + ,,…..イ.ヽヽ、ﾆ__ ーーノﾞ-､.
- | '; ＼_____ ノ.| ヽ i
| ＼/ﾞ（__)＼,| i | ＞ ヽ. ハ | |｜<html></aa></html>
The bad guy, >>71, and his funky Chinamen from funky Chinatown
Editions
Several wildly differing editions of Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23 have been printed. The 112nd edition is generally regarded as the authoritative text, but some critics prefer the 111th edition.
100th edition
lol
(This early edition, of which only 21 copies survive, is thought to have resulted from a printing error.)
111th edition
Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23
By »56
sage
112nd edition
Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23
By »55
Chapter 1
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Thus it was when Standard 4-ch user awoke from uneasy dreams to found himself transformed in his bed into a moe girl. She had no time to ruminate on this unusual development before Takakazu Abe burst into the room, and cried "Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika? Nii-san! Yaranaika?" as he launched a flying kick at the window, shattering it and fatally injuring the funky Chinaman attempting to pry it open fron the outside.
Publisher's note: Due to ongoing financial difficulties, Takakazu Abe's subsequent interjections in every paragraph have been omitted from this edition of Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23. We beg your understanding, and recommend that you purchase the DQN Press hardcover edition of Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23 for the full Mountian of Death and Suffering Part 23 experience.
Bleeding from 17 cuts caused by the shards of glass now covering the room, Standard 4-ch user roused herself from bed and walked over to the mirror to begin fondling her new breasts. "I'm not really into the whole being a girl thing, but I could get used to this," she mused.
"You look different, Nii-san. Yaranaika?" Abe observed.
"It must have been that bastard Junior," Standard said. "I bet he slipped something into my drink at that shady diner we went to last night. I'm not really into the whole going for drinks at a diner thing, but Mittens insisted."
The two got into their mecha and headed to THE REI'S DINER in Funky Chinatown, leaving a swath of destruction in their wake.
Chapter 2
As the two entered funky Chinatown, their mecha were accosted by funky Chinamen. But they fired heat-seeking missiles and rendered the funky Chinamen into thin smears on the pavement. They continued on unhindered.
Standard 4-ch user and Abe entered the diner to find ＤＡＤＤＹＣＯＯＬ sitting at the bar, surrounded by a crowd of VIPPERS. The hostess was nowhere in sight, but the corpse of a large onigiri lay disemboweled on one table, its face twisted in pain. Several of the VIPPERS were feasting on its entrails.
Abe went over, mounted the corpse and began thrusting while Standard steeled her delicate self against the gruesome sight, then pushed her way through the crowd to converse with ＤＡＤＤＹＣＯＯＬ. "hello im daddycool the VIPPER join my community of VIPPERS if you payme enough i will give you access to a secret area of VIP QUALITY," the net idol greeted her cordially.
"I'm not really into the whole secret area of VIP QUALITY thing," Standard said, flashing a 10000 yen bill. "But I need information."
ＤＡＤＤＹＣＯＯＬ took the bill and slipped it into his pants. "teh rei transformed into a giant dragon-penguin and flew off somewhere," he told Standard.
"Thanks, that was very specific and helpful," Standard replied. She left and got into her mecha.
Abe, having finished with the corpse of the onigiri, went over to ＤＡＤＤＹＣＯＯＬ and pulled out ten 10000-yen bills. "I'd like the special service," he said.
Chapter 3
"What now?" Standard 4-ch User mused, sitting in the cockpit of her mecha. "I don't know were teh giant dragon-penguin went. I'm not really into the whole being out of leads thing. Maybe I should just go home and fondle myself some more."
Then she remembered the words of wisdom of a great man - her mentor long ago. "Equip drill attachment," she told her mecha. She closed her eyes in solemn remembrance. Then she stood tall and pierced the heavens.
There was a tearing sound. The sky fell, narrowly missing Standard as it flattened TEH REI'S DINER and tore a huge gaping hole into the earth. Several seconds later, a deafening boom sounded from below as the sky met resistance.
"I hope Abe and ＤＡＤＤＹＣＯＯＬ made it out okay," Standard said. "I'm not really into the whole killing my friends thing." She peered into the newly created hole. Far below, a light glimmered.
Standard engaged thrusters and began flying carefully down into the pit. It took what seemed like an eternity to near her destination. The glimmering light slowly resolved itself into letters, at first too small to read. They were carved out of marble and illuminated by floodlights.
As Standard flew closer and closer, she read the letters: "FUCKIN' JAP."
"Arudou Debito. That bastard," said Standard.
Chapter 4
Standard 4-ch user landed her mecha in the docking bay of Arudou Debito's Liar. "WELCOME TO THE MOUNTIAN OF DEATH AND SUFFERING," read a large plaque. "PLEASE NO FOOD OR DRINKS PAST THIS POINT." As she exited her vehicle, she was immediately assaulted by funky Chinamen, who had wisened up after their first encounter and now knew not to tangle with her in her mecha. What they didn't count on was her mastery of kung fu.
Standard was not the equal of her friend Abe in this ancient art. She had not reached lightning speed, but was only about as fast as a hurricane, and her timing was slightly inexpert. She wasn't really into the whole kung fu thing, to tell the truth. It's just that Mittens thought guys who did martial arts were hot.
Still, her skills were more then sufficient to defeat these yellow slanty-eyes. Half of them fled upon witnessing her first fatality. She chopped up and chopped down the rest with ease, except for one.
"Hold it," she told the last surviving Chinaman. "Why's this place called the Mountian of Death and Suffering? It's in the middle of the Earth."
"Mister Debuto believes the notion of mountians being an anticline landform is a primitive jappo myth," replied the Chinaman. His English was perfect, with a slight Texas twang.
"That's not how you spell or pronounce 'mountain'", pointed out Standard.
"I before A, except after C," said the Chinaman. "What are you, some kind of grammaria-" He got no further before Standard's fist of iron shattered his skull with a single blow.
"The Elitist Superstructure does not mourn your death," said Standard. She continued onward into Arudou Debito's Liar.
Chapter 5
Standard 4-ch user waited. The lights above her blinked and sparked out of the air. There were chinamen in the liar. She didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. Her warnings to Grandpa were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Standard was a weeaboo for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the massacres and he said to dad "I'm not really into the whole rape of nanking thing daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY CHINAMEN"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC she knew there were chinamen. "This is Grandpa" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So Standard gotted her palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the chinamen
"I will shoot at him" said the commie and he fired the rocket missiles. Standard plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the chinamen" he shouted
The radio said "No, Standard. You are the chinamen" And then Standard was a zombie.
Chapter 6
Takakazu Abe encountered the zombie of Standard 4-ch User outside Debito's liar. Soaked in blood, and wielding the dismembered leg of a funky Chinaman as a club, he stopped short as he saw her. "You look different, Nii-san," he said, staring at her blatantly exposed armpits.
"I have this urge to groan and shamble menacingly towards you. But I'm not really into the whole eating of brains thing," Zombie Standard said.
"Good, because I could never fight you, Nii-sa… no, Standard… no, you have a name, don't you?" Abe scratched his head with his weapon, making a faint squelching sound.
Zombie Standard blushed. She stared at him adoringly with eyes that were slowly becoming glazed over from death.
"I'll call you by it just as soon as I remember it," promised Abe.
"It's Hakurei. Reimu Hakurei," said Zombie Standard.
Abe bade her a tearful farewell and ventured grimly forth into Debito's liar.
Chapter 7
Takakazu Abe stared at his nemesis with steely eyes. "I knew we would meet again," he said.
"I have never forgotten," intoned the dread lord Arudou Debito. "The day long ago, when you reamed me in the public baths. Without using lube. It was because I was a gaijin, wasn't I?"
"Sort of," admitted Abe. "I thought you Americans were tough enough."
"Thanks to you, I found my calling in life," said Debito. "I killed my family. I killed your family, too. And I will kill everyone else on this cursed planet. Then no one will be left to discriminate against me!" He laughed maniacally, then sobered up. "I'll have to become a guilty-coinscience liberal and start discriminating against myself," he mused.
"You turned my best friend into a zombie," Abe growled. "Wasn't it enough when you mutilated and ate my six baby children?"
"It will never be enough," said Debito.
"Then one of us will die here," said Abe. "And it will not be me."
"Ready!" said a wizened old man on the side of the chamber. The two took fighting stances. The wizened old man lifted a flag and brought it down with a chopping motion. "Fight!"
Abe began the fight with Doton Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu. But Debito was already using his Byakugan to read Abe's movements and skillfully dodged. He executed the Hakke Rokujuu Yonshou on Abe. But Abe had used Kawarimi no Jutsu and had substituted himself with Debito's inflatable love doll. Debito did not realize his mistake until he had punctured the doll beyond repair.
"MY KYOKO-CHAN!" screamed Debito. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"
Debito charged at Abe and scored a direct hit with Kanashibari no Jutsu. He prepared to deal a finishing blow to the staggering Abe, but Abe managed to execute Mugen Sajin Daitoppa. A large vine burst from the chamber floor and embedded itself in Debito's rear end. But this did not stop Debito from using his secret technique. "Debito Ninpocho; Shihou Hapou Shuriken no Maki," he said.
Shuriken flew at Abe from all directions. There was nowhere to dodge, nowhere to run. Thinking quickly Abe used Hakke Shou Kaiten, repelling the shuriken. One embedded itself in Debito's leg, crippling him. Abe moved in for the kill.
"Not so fast," Debito said. "Mugen Sajin Daitoppa." He opened his mouth and vomited sandy death in Abe's direction.
Abe stared at Debito with his Sharingan. "Sabaku Kyuu," he replied. The sand surrounded him, turning him into a mummy-like figure. He continued advancing towards Debito.
"Sabaku Sousou," said Debito. Nothing happened. "No! This cannot be! My sand should crush you into a bloody pulp… no one can survive that technique!"
"I have only one word for you," Abe said. He dropped his pants. His erect member was also covered in a thick layer of sand. He grabbed Debito's shoulders and rotated him around, then bent him over.
"Yaranaika?"
Chapter 8
abe takes off his shirt and hes ripped. ok so some fine bitch comes in and starts grinding abe. abe says yaranaika and hits that. well guess what the dime was actually zombie standard 4-ch user. abe fucked zombie standard 4-ch user (who reverted to being a man 24h after undeath) and he liked it. thye do it again and get gay married
Author's note
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Abe survived when the falling sky crushed TEH REI'S DINER because he left the premises to accompany ＤＡＤＤＹＣＯＯＬ to his secret BDSM dungeon of VIP quality.
